…and then the constant check ups start to fade…
no more long conversations that bring sadness when they end cause both of you need to sleep or one lost the contest and dozed off…
responses are shorter than usual…
one sees it all. it hurts. the other brushes it off like all is normal…
he thinks of her the whole day but dares not to text or call cause he know the conversations will either be short or lack the fire. the spark. you know, that thing!!!…
but he loves her. he thinks of her daily. all day…
where is this change going…
he thinks -what’s wrong?-
she has kissed him at the parking lot, a couple of times.
she has kissed him in front of her room.
but this time she moves back and said “okaaaaay”.
he is shuttered. -maybe she has lost interest all together-
then .ping!. “i thought we agreed on the no pda rule”
-i am sorry, i though the coast was clear.- as he let’s in it with a swollen heart.
nb: pda – public display of affection
heat. her heat. her heart.
change of state.
ice before, now liquifies,
for one to float at ease.
it all seems to be going nowhere.
the constant cold emotions,
the slight melting of the snowman,
the not so fast rising of feelings.
she thinks it’s fast but,
to him it’s just a slow jam.
hearing each note hit the nerve,
ups and downs of 4/1 time signature.
each whole note pulling slowly with anticipation,
slurs and ties, legato and all.
building up to a climax that goes on till the end of the song.
his feelings for her are like a slow jam… only that his, ends not.
it’s her birthday today.
a time longed for.
sad she is away.
too young no more.
no rule again him.
this time he can hug her.
longer than usual.
i wanna call her babe but i can’t,
i’d seem too forward.
i wanna call her my girl, but i do not know if i am allowed to.
i know she has feelings for me, but i still can’t declare our « love »
i wanna call her my future wife, but i am scared of being accused of going ahead of time.
i wanna tell her that i miss her but i don’t wanna come out as clingy or too attached.
i wanna tell her i love her, but i am scared of her reaction.
she might tell me to go screw myself & i’d be like the other guys she always tells me about.
she has a heart as hard as a nut. hard to crack.
i used to be cold, she melted my snow.
now how do i crack open her heart and place my love in there? (though merely just a muscle)
i am a hopeless romantic, all these things come natural to me.
instead of asking her to be his girl today (her last day before she leaves the country for holiday), something even better happens. they lock lips.
two weird beings slowly coming together in the game of biting. their well curved leaves touching in motion. hers soft as peach cuts, moist to the core.
the goose « pimples » running all over his body, (hers are permanent).
his cab ride back home, he cannot stop smiling. his smile widens with every meter he moves.
unbelievable? yes. he had scheduled this to the year to come. now that it is it, it is what it is.
he can only long for later.
to see her again, have her in his arms and tell her she is beautiful.
today is his last
or at least he thinks it is.
as the introvert creeps through his skin to escape, to take over the proclaimed extrovert.
he bids farewell to the one thing that calmes his mini anxieties.
rolled up so neatly he sees it burn
“if only it was longer” – he thinks
but tonight he is taking a step into the direction of fantasy.
(the fantasy they call reality)
ready to face it with nothing to aid him from running away from it.
its white curly fumes go up in hope that the greater one will hear his cry and set him free.
“goodbye my friend”
his last monoxide.
close. very close.
she gets closer at every moment we meet.
she likes finger locks.
a physical reflection of an emotional connection.
i just want to escape from all of it.
just get in a car, shut the windows, drive up north on a never ending journey.
away from the loud sound of moving cars, ambulances and people.
the irritating voices i hear every day
-SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP, I NEED TO THINK-
my brain utters words clearly heard by it while i smile in discomfort.
i need to escape from it all.
i have a plan. take all their money and leave.
work so hard to leave.
the city is no place for a mini-depressed soul.