i, snowman – i

i, snowman

spicy fresh smell 

i can still smell you. 

today i saw your tears. 

in my coldness, i felt your warmth. 

a small melting of the ice. 

ice cold ice tea. 

you smell good. 

you gave me his smell 
now i smell him. 

the memories of odours surround me

i see him now more than before

his scent is full of life. 
all the memories i had with him are stronger. 

in his office, his car, his hand shake. 

i miss my father. 

death, YOU THIEF!!

ntseme 2017

30.06.

07h30

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one year away – xiv 

he wanna hold her in his armsgive her warmth. 

today is pretty cold. 

the sunlight instantly died when the sudden rise of eastern clouds engulfed its dominance. 

the wind slimly blows

whistling a cold breeze. 

he feels is needs his warmth 

he is always warm

he will emit it all to her,

only if he could swallow her in his arms. 

today is calm for them. 

no sparks or anything like that. 

he is chilled and casual. 

all he wanted was to see her

he did. 

to sit and observe her. 

he did. 

red skirt. peach sweater. pink scarf. black shoes. black leggings. 
i like her legs. 
ntseme 2017

30.06

09:05

juilliard- iii -final leg

i thought to myself

  -what am i gonna do to my life after all this? –

no more dj. no more beautiful dancers with their flexible selves

no more 1 magic minute. 

he hugged us twice. to say “see you soon”

  “you guys are gonna have to come to new york now, you know that right? next week? — ait, see you guys next week”
i felt my heart bleed with sadness. at least he did not say ‘goodbye’. indeed we shall see him again. 

i still remember when he tasted the mophane worm for the first time. lol. 

the spectacle was amazing. seeing artists working together to pull off a show is an awesome experience. 

the night ended well. 

before that though, i felt this one’s presence. i told someone i was with that ;”there is someone looking for me. i can feel it”. 

ntseme 2017

29.06

23:00

“run, black boy, run”

blue, black and white
i see him run. 

dashing across the road

vehicles passing by

he passed by my side in my sight. 

running. chased. 

i see not his chasers but he keeps looking back and instantly disappears in the streets. 

as i walk in my direction, he appears in front of me. 

pipping to where i am from

hid by the wall. 

he is still running. 

the black boy is running. looking back time and again

but still, i can’t see his chasers. 

they he she stopped chasing but he is still running.

he walks briskly. then runs again. 

does the running black boy know?

does he know that he ain’t being chased?

he is in blue, black and white. 

he takes a curve into the round about. 

i see him no more. 

his feet as he ran were penguin steps curved

the black boy was running

but i couldn’t see his chasers. 

if you don’t see them, 

the danger is gone. 

the black boy runs from the danger behind him

the black boy is running but i see not his chasers. 

run, black boy, run. 

and they won’t catch you. 
ntseme 2017

29.06

17:49

creepy reality

exactly 25 Minutes later, 
she comes to tell me about her crippled situation. 

i am no psychic, but i follow my instincts. 

i am no prophet, but i see and think things before they happen.  

my body filled with bumps of chicer when she told me. 
“i have a problem. it’s about my legs”
     -i was expecting you to tell me that-
“sir, you should be a psychic!”

ntseme 2017

28.06

09:55

inside the mind of a cripple

i used to walk perfectly like all of you;
with finesse. 

i could run as fast as a cheetah. 

i could jump and do awesome kicks. 

just like all of you. 

i never in my life, thought i’d stop doing all the awesome things i used to do. 

i would see people in wheelchairs, 

people walking on crutches

people helplessly lying down with dead muscles. 

and i would have pity on them. 

“shame,it must be really hard for you!”

until i got in it and knew exactly how they felt. 

i feel it every day. 

my legs can’t bend. 

my knees can only stay straight.

i walk with difficulty. 

my life is slower than the rest’s. 

i can’t kick or run as I did before.

though hopeful, i am hopeless. 

i work out daily, but it is not enough. 

i try with all my heart to recover but it’s hard. 

oh, you automobile, why did you do this to me. 

i trusted you to take me where I needed to go,

but rather, you took away my kicks and jumps and runs. 

i am crippled, i know. 

stop treating me like a queen

i wanna stay human.
ntseme 2017

28.06

09:10

one year away -ix 

he had not seen her in three days. 
he was mad that he didn’t. 

this morning he came early. 

this time she found him

he could not look at her. 

he was irritated. 

she stretched her hand, 

he could not touch her. 

he has never touched her

not that he can’t. 

he must not. 

no, it’s not against the rule to hand-shake. 

he is scared of the electrical charges. 

he did not want the touch to change his madness. 

but she sat next to him. 

her pleasant odour. maaan. 

it gets him all the time. 

it changed all the mad feelings to maaaad feelings. 

moments are now in real time speed. 

no more slow motion. 

the minutes increase every moment. 

eish. 

ntseme 2017

26.06

07:13

one year away – xiii

he quickly pulls her dress up. he reaches in and pulls it out. 

he has it grabbed in his hand. 

he separates the two rolled leaves. 

he holds one and unrolls one.

just a small piece. 

he gives it to her to wipe her greasy hands. 

again,

he reaches down to where it ends. 

this time it’s steady

he slowly pulls her dress up. 

his fingers smoothly slide up her dark cotton thigh.

he has his eyes fixed on his hand. 

he reaches in and gradually puts it in. 

he wishes his hand could stay there a little longer. 

it is so warm up there. 

he never thought that grabbing a tissue paper from her inner pants pocket would be this erotic. 

indeed intimacy is beyond inter-course
his heart is pounding. 

he wonders how she feels about all this. 

what is going on in her head. 

does she feel the spark too?
he now has a taste of how all this is gonna feel a year later.

-or soon?-

    – i wanna hold your waist-

             “ha!”

ntseme 2017
29.06

10:18

ice cold cool

you smile so bright

you give me all the love i need

you really wanna be with me

you do all you gotta do to get to me

you take risks and chances to connect to me

yet, i am still the cool snowman

frozen heart. 
ntseme 2017

29.06

06:24

short, yet long

i had a thousand words to say. 

though my lips be tamed, my thoughts are at liberty . 

 -i miss you, i know you miss me too-

-i told you to breathe, do you understand what i meant now-

-remember i said ‘soon, not now?’ that was soon-

rules defile me, i am cleaner when i make mine. 

  -are you ok? you look really sad. don’t let go of the hug too soon. i know you have been waiting for so long for us to finally break the rules-

it was a short looooong hug. 

i broke the rule. morse code is great, but can be read.

word code is great, only read by a mind that is settled with the writer. my meaning will never be yours until you know i am talking to you.

                -you smell great-

i can ‘feel’ you scent on my clothes. 
your ear ring stabbed me a little when we hugged. i can still feel a slight pinch on my neck. 

i know i see you every single day. you are always on my mind. 

beholding you is ultimate bliss. 

no, i am not in love. i just care so much about you. i am still the snow man, remember. but felt some warmth when i hugged you today. so warm the water started flowing inside me. a little melting of the snow to make way for the boatman. 

i will explain what all this is when the time is right.

everything moved slow for him. from the hug to the walking away.  

courtesy of “one year away” in disguise. ‘breaking rules’. 
ntseme 2017

28.06

10:06